I’m a master pretender. We all are.
We start out little, all in the same boat. Life’s easy, mum’s hand is only a grasp away and when something doesn’t go our way we could cry and cry and cry until we got our way. But, not everything remains constant. I think we can thank time for that. Shall we say hello to time? It’s present around us right now, ready to be killed or for there to be a plea for more of it. Maybe I wasn’t observant as a child and I missed this tiny little detail. But, surprise, clocks run forward, they don’t go back. We can try to escape from the hands of time but evidently they’ll grab you, they’ll propel you forward along with it. So one day soon, or maybe already, you’re going to have to leave the warm, safe, sheltered cocoon encompassing us all and learn how to navigate a suddenly huge world outside such familiar walls.
And I won’t lie to you by saying it’s not terrifying. I used to be afraid of growing up too, maybe even a small part of me still is. I thought suddenly my life might just, stop, close, end. I’d need to wash my dignity, pay for my independence, buy a home in which to house my now abandoned spark. But here’s an interesting notion…isn’t something much more precious if it’s fleeting? Childhood is precious because it has to end. We have to close the closet door on our teddies and childish thoughts. You must say goodbye to it. A quote could help me here, one from my beloved J.M Barrie, who wrote Peter Pan. He said, “and thus it will go on, so long as children are gay and innocent and heartless.” A completely raw ending to a completely raw book. You see, Barrie is stating motion, the cyclical life we all are apart of. That childhood, adulthood and whatever comes in between it is a part of life. How can we learn to love, to extend such loving arms towards people outside of our family? Mum’s hand used to be for grasping but now you’ve stepped over the threshold and there’s a million different hands for choosing. What I’m saying is, how can we progress if we don’t learn, change and then grow?
Now, bare with me. This is where things get a little more complicated. Again, J.M Barrie can help me here for he understood what has taken me so long to only scratch the surface of. The kiss perfectly conspicuous in the right hand corner of Mrs Darling’s sweet, mocking mouth. When her children are away at Neverland her kiss begins to wither up. But, why? Maybe because that kiss represents our innermost innocence, love and passions. The kiss is left from her childhood or rather, what she has kept from childhood into adulthood. When we grow we don’t only leave a few things behind, but the clever keep the kiss, recognising that it is our innermost self.
Let me paint a picture for you, close your eyes if you wish. A brush strokes an individual line on it’s canvas. This line is a dull colour and around it there is painted many colourful lines, thoughts, influences from other people. This line is confused. The artist keeps changing it’s colour, it’s blue, it’s purple, it’s bright yellow, now it’s as orange as the leaves in Autumn. The line is the master of pretending. Then suddenly the master of making mistakes, learning from them and now making it’s own decisions. The line slowly begins to turn back to it’s dull colour, mulling time like a person hesitating to cross the threshold. But, imagine if the artist never came back to it’s canvas. That the line was left in this state forever. It’ll never be anything but a line, right? Well, isn’t it lucky our artist walking back our way now. He picks up his brush and starts where he left off. The line now shines bright, the colour of extraordinary. It’s very own colour. We can all be the colour of extraordinary if we learn how to say goodbye to childhood while balancing the retainment of childish elements and grow into our very own people.
You see, I was a master pretender and now I’m a mere contender, a contender in a world that is right at my fingertips….and it’s at yours too.
Hello friends, this was my monologue for school that I am super duper proud of!! I could write you many a blog post on this topic because I feel so passionately about it. But, I hope you like it and it gets you thinking, feeling, being. A good song you could listen to after reading this would be ‘Vienna‘ by Billy Joel. It’s not exactly in line with the overall idea, but it captures treasuring childhood in its lyrics perfectly.